FAT Is Not A Four Letter Word

Being fat and queer was incredibly difficult pre-pandemic. In a world full of misinformation seeped in diet culture and securely based in white supremacy the fact that fat queer people existing in public spaces feels like a miracle. And every time I see a fat AAPI, BIPOC and Latinx person in public living unapologetically in the face of this system I am over joyed. These are the very bodies our system has tried to execute, demolish, shrink down and own, and no one should EVER have to face that kind of treatment and yet it is second nature in our culture.

I know for some this may feel like a bold statement and may feel wildly inaccurate however, read Dr. Sabrina Strings book, “Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fatphobia” and you will see just how real this enmeshment has been for hundreds of years. Imagine what a relationship could look like when you remind a group of people that their internalized fatphobia is an act of oppression, of white supremacy, and their own internalized hatred of their bodies. Suffice to say I’m not always everyone’s favorite therapist or favorite person to hang out with but I am at minimum a painfully honest one who will not let anyone to continue to harm themselves and others with indoctrinated beliefs.

Now over two years into a global pandemic and, as the New Year passed, we were inundated with the typical “New Year, New Me” trash that we get every year around this time. This year we’re also focusing on losing the “pandemic 15” and feeling pressured more so than ever. How in the middle of s life threatening pandemic, are we would pushed to lose weight as the ultimate goal leaves me with many ethical quandaries as a therapist? How, in the middle of a pandemic, are we continuing to capitalize on people’s pain is beyond me. And yet, America is literally based on capitalizing on people’s pain to propel society into the future.

I wonder what this summer would be like if we all finally decided that your body was a summer body, a beach body and a worthy body right now? What if you decided right now that everyone had bodily autonomy and their body was none of your business? Can you imagine the amount of time we would each have if we weren’t so indoctrinated into diet culture and fatphobia? If I could get that time back I would have created more paintings, published a book, written more poetry, hugged my mom more, taken my dad to lunch, slept in and enjoyed those moments on the beach instead of worrying if you thought my body was wrong. I would have stopped believing I could figure it all out and that being smaller would solve all my health issues or personal issues.

As Sonya Renee Taylor so eloquently said, “When we liberate ourselves from the expectation that we must have all things figured out, we enter a sanctuary of empathy.” So, I’m not saying figure it all out, I certainly don’t have everything about my relationship with my body or other people’s bodies figured out. I definitely don’t have my health figured out and what I do have figured out is that our current culture not only doesn’t work but it inherently harmful and the pursuit of thinness being synonymous with the pursuit of health is damaging and scientifically inaccurate.

As our culture continues to sell the idea that thin=healthy, that physically able=healthy, that white is > black and that rich people have magically worked harder than poor people we continue to create expectations of a life that is not only unattainable and unreasonable but harmful. If money made you a good person then Elon Musk would be way better and if being white made you better than other then Donald Trump wouldn’t be the abysmal failure of a president and human that he is. And while yes those a judgement statements these are two cis-hetero rich men who have hurt me and people I love. And all those things our society says make you a “superior person” hasn’t stopped them from being horrible humans. Do you see it now, being thin or rich or white or healthy doesn’t not magically make your morally better than others and the power you have is inherently harmful unless you use it to liberate those oppressed by this system?

So dear readers, Fat is not a four-letter word, it is not a curse word, it is not the worst thing you can be and it is not a moral failing. But fatphobia and the pursuit of thinness as health is intrinsically tied to white supremacy and I don’t know about you but in my world being a white supremist is way worse than being fat.